I wanna lose weight but I have no faith(in anything)

I was looking for Rokku Gyaru and goth Gyaru clothing online today (cuz Wilkes barre has shitty ass stores) and I couldn't find anything in my fucking size at all im a size 22 pants i can wear a 1x,2x/3x tops which is strange and my dress size is 26  im 5'9 and the last time I checked I was like 290 but I weighed myself in a rite aid so I don't really trust that a lot I was looking at a BMI Chart and it said for my height I should weigh about 168  290-168= 122 that's a lot to lose  and its tricky cuz if I lose to much I look sick as hell  also i can never control my weight when I get upset I eat and a lot when im angry I eat ans so on. I don't have the biggest support system since my friend Keria is way smaller so is my friend Coli my friend Corey is an ass. not only that but im very pessimistic about everything I never have any faith plus im a major slacker. Ive tried dieting but I cant seem to stick to it I tried pills but most of them don't work.im pretty Much at my wits end with this shit and as much as i try i cant motivate my self at ALL! I ve lost a ton of weight before and I would like to get back there hopefully you can see how my weight fluctuates  all the time maybe u cant but im starting to fell like I cant be a good Gyaru looking the way I do its truly depressing ( today was a sad day).

2007 (im suckin in)

2007 (300)

2011(280)

2008 I want to be a lil smaller then this (220)

  

now    (292)                                                            

My makeup for the day!

Ok now behold the power of makeup <3 today will be a short entry cuz im pretty sleepy *NOTE: This look isnt VK LOLI or Gyaru its just abstract art if you don't like it you don't like it whatevvs * I did a look like this because I havent done anything over the top in forever..........well ok here goes ^_^

Me Before <3 

Me After !

For this look I used :

• Fit Me liquid foundation
• ELF Creme eyeliner
• LA Colors : Light Blue,Dark Blue,Pink And Yellow (I used the same colors for my lips and blush as well) 
• A brown from a Cover girl Pallet 
• My Hanabi Red circle lens (Im getting Hanabi Green Next)
• an Angled Eyeliner brush For my lashes 
• Vaseline for my lips 
• And my fingers  

This look took about Two hours total because I didn't like it at first but now i Adore it Also we were drinking at my house so everyone needed to get in to the bathroom. I love the eye shape I did my eyes look huge and you cant see my bags.

My freaking bow wouldn't stay up so that looks dumb but other than that I Love Love Love this 

bellow are some more pictures :

Extra close up

Close up

eyes closed

eyes closed close as hell!

WELL HOPE YOU ENJOYED THE PICTURES! GIMMIE FEED BACK AND ENOUGH PPL LIKE ILL DO A YOUTUBE TUTORIAL <3 NOW IF YOU WILL EXCUSE ME I NEED TO WASH THIS SHIT OFF MY FACE 

HAVE GREAT NIGHT LOVERS!